The Bachelor

The Bachelor: Brad’s Return

I have mixed feelings about the return of The Bachelor as as a show, and mixed feelings about the return of Bachelor Brad.

Let’s start with the show.  I’ve been addicted to the Bachelor nearly since Season 1, and the Monday nights spent in Hughes Hall at American University with three of the best girls ever only cemented the passion.  So once leaving college I couldn’t help but continue to watch, often having three online conversations at once discussing the ridiculousness that can only be found on a reality show like this.  However, once I began blogging about it, it became not only an addiction, but also a pretty serious time commitment.  To start with you’ve got the 2 hours every Monday spent watching it, then at least 2 additional hours blogging about it.  While I love judging each and every character on the show, I’m nervous about whether I can fit this into the busy life of a teacher. But what kind of fan would I be if I didn’t at least try?

So here we are, Episode 1 of Brad’s 2nd season on the show.  Some may remember the first season (I certainly do), others this may have been before your time.  If you’d like to take a trip down memory lane, you can check out more here.

The moral of the story is, Brad went through the entire season and didn’t choose either girl.  SHOCKING, I know.  Is it possible that after a month spent in the Bachelor mansion with 25 beautiful girls he might not fall in love?  The backlash was HUGE, and in my opinion pretty unfair.  God forbid he didn’t choose someone just to finish the season off right, and then break up a month later like every other couple.

So here we are, Brad Round 2.  I’ll be making my pick at the end of tonight’s show and sealing it in an envelope for the end of the season.  We’ll see if I can follow up on Gillian and Ed…

On to the ratings!  Let’s start with the important things.

BRAD’S BODY: 8

I can’t argue with giant muscles and a guy who clearly keeps in shape.  It looks good.  However, he runs funny (which has something to do with his body), and is a bit too bulky.  Over all I wouldn’t complain if my guy happened to look like that, but I think too many muscles leads to uncomfortable cuddling.

ABC’s EDITING CHOICES: 2

Is their goal to convince everyone in America that they don’t want to date ANY of these women?  A funeral director talking about where the Bachelor will be buried, a divorcee who is shown with her cats, a ‘Manscaper’ waxing all parts of bodies, a girl with Vampire teeth, and a woman who claims she’s already his wife.  I have to believe they filmed a lot for each of these girls, plus 20 girls they didn’t even show yet, and this is what they chose?  Oh boy. I’ll give them 2 points for the fact that I’m sure it’s gonna hook some people in.

OPENING LINES: 1

Mixed bag of opening lines, including a slap, obnoxious shoes, tons of awkwardness (on both sides), vampire teeth, a forced proposal, a girl jumping into his arms and a whole lot of talk about his last season.  Poor guy.  And all these awkward, weird girls.  The lines have consistently gotten worse over the years, and about this time every season I threaten to give up on the show.

This time I’m serious.  VAMPIRE TEETH???

That’s all for tonight friends.  We’ll see if I’m tempted next Monday, but I’ll be honest.  I may have just broken up with The Bachelor.

The Bachelor: Jason & Molly’s Wedding

This post will need to begin with a little background info. on what went down two seasons ago on The Bachelor, and more importantly, the most dramatic ‘After the Final Rose’ EVER.

  • On the finale of The Bachelor: Jason’s season, Jason sends Molly packing and proposes to Melissa.  They’re overjoyed and jump in a pool.

  • Immediately after this airs, we head to ‘After the Final Rose’.  We see Jason with Melissa first.  Long-time fans are thinking… ‘This is weird.  Normally they bring out the rejected one first so they can chat, and then end happily ever after with the engaged couple being seen in public for the first time.”  Sure enough, he dumps Melissa on national television.

  • Next, out comes Molly, with no clue what just happened.  She’s expecting the classic ‘dumpee’ interview.  Instead she gets a ‘I still love you and want a second chance’ from Jason.
  • She’s shocked.  Not sure what to think.  ‘Is this a joke?’  Wait, don’t ask those questions.  This is what every dumpee wants… YES!  I’LL TAKE YOU BACK!  LET’S GET MARRIED!  Okay, not quite that dramatic, but she does agree to have a drink with him afterwards and talk about it.

  • We find out months later they are now engaged and in love.  ABC agrees to pay for their wedding if they air it on TV.

TA DA!  Here we are, March 8, and it’s their wedding day!

PLANNING YOUR WHOLE WEDDING IN ONE WEEKEND: 4

I can’t even imagine!  Weeks before the wedding and they had done nothing.  Your first reaction is “WTF?!”, but then you realize that the world’s best wedding planner, event planner, cake maker, jewelry designer, dress maker, etc. are all on your team to make this happen.

So actually, what could be better than spending a weekend in LA (for free) to do nothing but make decisions.  Then everyone else gets to work and you prepare to party.

I think this is how I’d like to get married.

WEDDING THEME: 8

I must admit, I totally dug their theme.  Especially when compared to Trista’s at the last Bachelor Wedding.  Pink anyone?

This one was a lot more natural and ‘earthy’, with lots of greens, browns and whites.  I loved all the leaves, and I especially loved the invitations 🙂

CORNINESS: 4

It’s to be expected that there’s going to be some corniness on a wedding show, but when Jason kept scanning Molly during the registry portion of the show, it was a bit much.

And I have to be honest, this was one of the first times in all of my time watching the show that I felt like they were acting.

SPONSORSHIP: 5

I completely understand, but it was EVERYWHERE!  This is how they finance an expensive wedding, and I don’t blame Molly and Jason a bit.  Everything for free?  Yes please!  I just couldn’t help but constantly notice the name brands that were popping up left and right.  And it was clear who paid… the apple symbol on several computers was strategically covered while there was no shame in the rest of the name dropping.

MOLLY’S REHEARSAL DINNER DRESS: 9

It took ‘little black dress’ to the next level.  Not plain at all, and looked INCREDIBLE on her.  -1 because it was surely donated by a top designer just to be seen on TV, meaning I can never score one for myself.  I’ll get over it.  In the meantime, loving it on her.

WEDDING PLANNER BITTERNESS: 2

Okay, so the weather wasn’t great.  In fact, it looked like a hurricane was about to happen.

“Normally there would be a Plan B, but that choice wasn’t made.  I would have made that choice, and we would have been nice and cozy and warm inside.”

Hmmm… do you really wanna call out the Bride and Groom on national TV on the day of their wedding?  Pretty sure that might not be a good idea… especially if you were hoping this spot would get your more business.

MOLLY’S HAIR: 6

After all the excitement about her celebrity hair-stylist, I must admit I was kind of embarrassed for her when I saw it. Thankfully they had recovered it by the time she walked down the aisle, but seriously, what was going on with the first run?

WEDDING WEATHER: 3

So the hurricane weather has to be minus a lot for:

1) almost ruining the outdoor wedding with no backup plan

2) freezing out all the guests

3) ruining the hairdos by the fabulous, famous hairdressers

HOWEVER, the rain gave way in time for the wedding, and Molly walked down the aisle to ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ with an actual rainbow in the sky.  You can’t ask for much more than that 🙂  +3

NO ONE GIVING THEM AN UMBRELLA WHEN IT STARTED TO POUR DURING THEIR VOWS: 0

She’s wearing the most expensive outfit there, and it’s their wedding, yet everybody sits there watching, comfortable with their umbrellas, and no one gets up to cover them.  Totally shocked by this.  And disappointed.

THE PR SPIN BEHIND THE TELEVISED WEDDING: 8

After watching all of it, and listening to both their stories and the stories of their family and friends, I like Jason a bit more.  I’ve also decided this is why they decided to televise their wedding.  After the ‘horrible, terrible, awful, very bad year’ I can only imagine they wanted a way to win over the public again and hopefully put the lid on all the tabloid trash talk.

I think it may have worked.  After two hours of seeing them be pretty normal, and nice, people, it’s hard to still hate him.  Especially now that Melissa’s married too.  Everyone’s happy 🙂

NEXT WEEK’S ‘BEHIND THE ROSE’ 20/20 SPECIAL: 6

God these producers are good.  I thought I finally had my Monday nights back (BodyFlow anyone?) until I saw tonight’s ad for next week’s ‘Behind the Rose’ 20/20 special, with investigative reporting about the Bachelor.  I suppose I can give them one more week 🙂

Until then, just living for the tens!

The Bachelor: Season Finale

TENLEY’S IMPRESSION ON THE FAMILY: 10

In all my years watching The Bachelor (and The Bachelorette) I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a family visit go so well.  The father was in tears almost immediately, the mom was picturing her as part of the family, and the sister-in-laws loved her.  Everyone was convinced except for Jake.

VIENNA’S IMPRESSION ON THE FAMILY: 2

You couldn’t help but laugh at the start of Vienna’s family visit.  They were so charmed by Tenley, and Jake had already given them such a bad impression of Vienna, it was bound to not go well.  Her immaturity showed immediately, in her word choice, in the way she speaks, in the ‘playful’ way she answered their questions.

FAMILY: So what is it you like about Jake?  (a classic Bachelor family question)

VIENNA:  Ummmm… well…. I don’t wanna give him a big head (grin, haha).

Basically she didn’t even tell his family why it is she’s still there, and why she deserves the ring.

Then she goes on to tell them that none of the girls liked her because she tells it like she is.  One of the sister-in-laws asks if she thinks she’s pretty (since Vienna said she couldn’t lie), then if she looked fat in her outfit, to which Vienna thought it was appropriate to answer yes (‘jokingly’ of course).  AWKWARD.

She also had the nerve to talk trash about Tenley, the sweetest girl alive, behind her back.  Little did she know how much the family had loved her, therefore how much this probably hurt their impression of her.

I will admit she did a bit better in her one-on-two time with the sister-in-laws, and one-on-one time with the mom, hence the +2.

Overall this parent meeting was a bit painful to watch.  And I’m pretty sure Jake’s dad will never forgive him for not picking Tenley.

JAKE’S ADMISSION TO HIS DESIRE FOR A LITTLE ROUGH-HOUSING: 10

‘I’m not sure Tenley knows about my playful side- the side that comes from growing up with two brothers.  Basically, I don’t think she knows yet that if she stands on the edge of the pool, I’m gonna push her in.’

First thing he’s said all season that makes me like him.  A lot.

From the parental visits we moved on to the ‘last dates’.  I’ve got to give Vienna some credit here.

VIENNA’S LOVE NOTE: 8

While a bit cliche, the last note she wrote him did what she does best one last time.  From the very start Vienna has been super open with how she feels about Jake, and honestly I think this is one of the big reasons she stuck around.

We as audience members see all the confessionals, so know how much the women like Jake.  We forget that from his perspective, without them telling him, he might have very little idea what they’re feeling, and whether they’re into him.  He seems a bit insecure, so a woman who’s constantly telling him how she feels is pretty appealing.

However, I still don’t get what that ring is all about and why she felt the need to give it to him.

WEIRD, AWKWARD SHOTS WHERE THEY STAND AND STARE: 3

Especially the season finale, but really all throughout the season, we get these nice, beautiful long shots of women staring out over their balconies.  There’s no one who just does this naturally all the time, so all I can think about when I see them is how awkward it probably is when the producers ask them to stand on their balcony, or by the beach, or somewhere else equally beautiful, and look off thoughtfully.  I wonder if they’re actually thinking about Jake at all…

VIENNA’S TUTUS: 2

I’ve had just about enough of this one bikini we see Vienna in in almost every episode.  You know, the one with the tutu on the bottom.  JAKE- BUY HER A NEW BATHING SUIT.  One that might be worn by someone not on spring break, or 7 years old, please.

JAKE’S FAKE OUT: 3

I know The Bachelor has been on a while now, and each Bachelor/Bachelorette has to work hard to make their own special moment (aka the proposal) special, but Jake went out of his way to make Vienna think she was going home.  There’s a certain point where it’s just plain mean, and I think he hit that point.

TENLEY’S FAILURE TO COMMENT ON HER BROKEN DRESS: 0

Of course the first thing they do on ‘After the Final Rose’ is show the last 10 minutes of the show over again (despite the fact that we LITERALLY just saw it), but with an added screen showing Tenley’s face as she watches.

Well, as I’m sure everyone noticed, the back of her dress appeared to have broken open right before walking up to Jake.  It appeared ripped, and was practically hanging open.

When they cut back to her after the clip I couldn’t believe she didn’t comment on it!  It seemed like it would have been an appropriate response when Jake first asks ‘So what were you thinking as you watched that again?’

I think this quote sums up the evening:

‘I feel like I’m trying to talk people into Vienna…’

Welcome to your new life Jake.

ALI AS THE NEXT BACHELORETTE: 8

I have a theory about this…

Ali makes it into the final four… she kinda likes Jake and is having fun, but realizes out of the four left she’s got the best chance of being the next Bachelorette (since every Bachelorette has come from the Bachelor season before, this is a pretty safe bet).

So, rather than take her chances sticking around, meaning she might have to actually be with him, she makes up the fact that her job ‘won’t let her stay’.  She leaves dramatically, allowing everyone to still love her AND giving her a shot at Bachelorette (since if she chose to leave because she didn’t like Jake enough I’m pretty sure she’d be out of the funning).

Now all of a sudden her work is okay with an even longer extended break… interesting.

-2 for the sketchy manipulation, but other than that I kinda like her, AND it guarantees yet another season of Bachelor(ette) ratings!

Well, that’s it for this season friends!  Until next season, just living for the tens 🙂

The Women Tell All!

*WARNING*

I don’t directly give away anything in this post.  However, if you’ve been watching, and are even a little bit intelligent, the following post may ruin parts of the ending.  Just warning you now.

THE WOMEN’S COMMENTS ABOUT TENLEY: 9

I love Tenley.  Let me start off by saying that.  How can you not love someone that sweet and genuine?  But it is true that sometimes she comes off as a bit too sweet.  So I was cracking up when they showed a sequence of clips where the women said things like:

‘I’m pretty sure she walked right out of a Disney movie.’

‘She has to sh*t rainbows.’

‘I’m pretty sure she dreams in cartoons.’

I think all of the above are true…

‘THE BACHELOR’S’ DECISION TO BRING ROSLYN BACK: 5

I’m so on the fence about this one.  Selfishly, I kinda enjoyed watching it.  Although, if we’re being honest, I felt awkward the whole time.  It reminded me of those times when you’re hanging out with some friends and two people start fighting right in the middle of everyone.  You don’t want to get involved, but it’s so awkward to just sit/stand there and watch. Those who were friends with Cher and I growing up surely know exactly what I’m talking about.  I’m not sure I want to feel that uncomfortable when watching television…

But it certainly was the most dramatic ‘Women Tell All’ ever, so if that’s what they were going for, well done.  I’m pretty sure Chris Harrison probably regretted the decision when she whipped out ‘He didn’t think you were friends when you were hitting on his wife in Australia’.  Classic ‘I won’t dignify that with a response’ came back at her.  The Bachelor or verbal boxing match?  Who can tell these days.

ROSLYN’S DECISION TO COME BACK: 2

I’m pretty sure she’s the one who got the raw end of this deal.  I can say with 97.5% certainty that she blatantly lied throughout the entire show, as multiple women have eyewitness accounts of misbehavior with ‘The Producer’.

So really, she ended up losing all credibility, had to put up with the awkwardness of the return, and will later have to watch all the horrified looks of the audience members as she watches it replayed.  Not pretty.

JAKE’S NEW HAIR: 4

I was a bit surprised when I first saw him, but it’s clear he needed a new look after the season finished.  Knowing what I know about the end, I’m guessing he had to cover up some gray hairs, and blonde just wasn’t doing the trick.

JAKE’S STABILITY: 3

Is it just me or did he seem on the verge of tears the entire time he was on the show?  Keep in mind this is post-season finale.  I’m betting things don’t end up quite how he wanted with the ‘woman’ he picks and now he’s feeling a bit of regret seeing all this awesome women.  Just saying.

THE BACHELOR BLOOPERS: 10!!!

If only the show weren’t edited and this is what they showed all season.  Bachelor producers?  Are you there?  Are you listening?  You’re about to lose me, but if you turn the season into all bloopers I’m yours forever.  Please believe me, what I say is true.

STALLINGS OFFER TO TAKE OVER AS GUEST BLOGGER WHILE I TRY IT OUT FOR A SEASON: 7

First of all, I’m pretty sure her posts would be more entertaining than mine.  Second of all, I’m not sure Scott would be a big fan of this idea…

However, sometimes you have to sacrifice for true undercover blogging.

How could I lose if I brought out my awesome tights?  SHOE. IN.

Until then, just living for the tens!